卖火柴的小女孩 (A short reflection to Andersen’s fairy tale, “Little Match Girl”) by Yuruo (Sara) Shan
长大后才发现安徒生童话其实真的好残忍。 卖火柴的小女孩的幸福来自于她划亮的火柴。火柴的烛光里有温暖的火炉，有漂亮的圣诞树，有美好的食物，有早就不在的奶奶。天国真的是幸福吗，也许和人的苦难相比，那才是幸福。 然后我从发疯的深更半夜听见笑声。我的笑声和你的笑声它们混合在一起，像是一场梦一样，好像真的有人明白了我需要什么，像是照镜子一样。我一笑，镜子里的人也跟着我一起笑。那一刻我好像明白了小时候为什么我总是抱着那本册子，卖火柴的小女孩，睡觉。此时此刻我多想拼命的划亮火柴，记得我们一起笑一起闹。即使是在没有人醒着的凌晨，即使明天要早起，我们怕吵醒家长一样继续吵闹。 如果可以，我好希望我的幸福不是女孩手里火柴的火光。我好希望能亲手抓住这份幸福。
After growing up to my twenties, I found that Andersen's fairy tales were fierce. The happiness of the little girl selling matches comes from her bright matches. There is a warm stove in the candlelight of matches, a beautiful Christmas tree, beautiful food, and a grandmother who has been absent for a long time. Is the kingdom of heaven delighted? Compared with people's suffering, maybe that is happiness.
Sometimes, I think I am the little match girl, especially when I hear laughter in the middle of the night. My laugh and my boyfriend’s laugh are mixed, like a dream. I think he understands what I need, and I look at him like I am looking at myself in the mirror. I laughed, and the people in the mirror laughed at me. At that moment, I seemed to understand why I always slept with that book of the story of “Little Match Girl.” At this moment, I want to try my best to light the match and remember to laugh together.
Even in the early morning when no one is awake, even if we must get up early tomorrow, we are afraid to wake up our parents and continue to make noise. If I can, I hope my happiness is not the spark of a match in the girl's hand. I hope to seize this happiness with my own hands.
(Written on November 21, 2023)
Sara (Yuruo) Shan is a Chinese-American writer. Born in Shenzhen and raised in the United States, speaking both English and Chinese, Sara has lived in many places, and the bilingual culture has influenced her writing a lot. She writes essays, short stories, and poems. Most of her works are based on and related to her experiences of living in different places and growing up independently. She likes cats, coffee, video games, and music. What she really likes to do is to write at midnight, with a cup of iced coffee and her twenty-hour Spotify playlist.
